Marriage, love, hopes and bubble bursters

Earlier this week, I was sitting in my son's violin recital looking around the room at all the other parents.  Well not really all the other parents.....I was mainly looking at the couples.  What are their lives like?  When they were getting ready for the concert, did they smile and laugh with an easy going affection that naturally made them a team?  Did they argue with each other over whether they were late, where they were going to sit, and what their child was wearing?  Were they really here together.....in love.....in "like" even....with each other?  Or were they putting on a show of togetherness now that they were in public, after tension, dissent, and bickering in private?

Of course, I will never know.  None of us really ever know what goes on between two people unless their distrust, criticism, and antagonism spills over....over the boundaries of private life, out to the public world.  When I see that happen, it brings sadness to my heart, even if they are strangers.

I find myself longing to reach out and interfere.....to remind them both that what they are arguing about is amazingly important to both of them in different ways at the moment, however in the grand scheme of life - it is meaningless.  That they should stop, take a step back, and allow themselves to come back together naturally rather than forcing a false perception of togetherness, of partnership that is belied with distrust and anxiety.

I am especially baffled by arguments about something that "almost" happened.  As in we were almost late.  Really?  Unless the sentence goes something like "and then she almost had sex with the naked man in her bed" this should be a moment of joyous celebration, a mini-victory in the race against time by you and your team family.  High fives all around!

I found myself trying to look into their eyes.  For some reason I feel like I could tell if I could see in there eyes.  Is there the relaxed look of someone who knows they are loved, that knows they are safe, that knows that all they would have to do is give a quick glance or a half smile and their partner would instantly smile back with a knowing look.  The secret, unspoken language of two people bound to each other through their love and acceptance of each other.

How often do lovers burst the bubbles of their partner with sharp words, cutting looks, a sarcastic tone?  How often is the focus on what went wrong rather than what went right?  How often do we let happiness slip through our fingers like sand?  It seems like love is a solid, tangible entity at the beginning of a relationship.  We can hold it in our hands, press it to our chest, say to everyone "Look at this!  Look at what I have found!  Look what I am creating!!"  The it seems to get softer, more distorted.  Without the proper care and attention, it seems that it can become a globulous thing, a slippery tube of goo that you can purchase at a souvenir shop for your kids to entertain them for hours.....trying to hold on to something that is slipping away.  Not so entertaining when we are grown up.

I realized that I was not even really hearing the music as I had become lost in thought and observations of the body language of all the couples around me....and I had to call myself back to the moment, much like a mother calls out the backdoor for the kids to come home and have dinner.  I had to tell myself to be in my own moment, to listen to the slightly too slow rendition of "William Tell" that the children had practiced for months.  To look at the nervous head of my own child, my beautiful son, who was lost in his own moment at the time.

He has nice bowing....

Venice Beach - Sand, Sun, Vendors, & Optional Hygiene!

For my Black Friday, I decided to go on an 11 mile oceanside hike.  I left my home (6 blocks from the ocean) and headed to the Santa Monica Pier.  It was the quintessential Southern California day......endless blue skies and sunshine.  Here are some of the sights seen.

Dia de la Muerte

 The murals in our area are beautiful.  From Santa Monica to Venice, your eyes are drawn to murals guiding you to the aquarium, honoring Vincent Van Gogh, or tickling your funny bone.





One of the artists with a booth attempting to sell their creations did this mural across from his regular stand.  In is hypnotic in person.

 This covers the entire side of the building, and causes me to catch my breath no matter how many times I see it.

And of course, some of our murals are advertisements.  The flying pandas are an eye catching add for a new show on Adult Swimon Cartoon Network.  I am a sucker for it - will be watching to see what in the heck this is all about.



This is what you see if you turn away from the ocean!

In addition to these lovely murals (to see more, please go to http://bridgetann1.tumblr.com/), we have the passing, ever-changing parade of people.  By the numbers, here is a brief recounting: one young lady in purple skin tight hot pants, heels and a hoodie, two elderly muscle men in speedos soliciting tips for photos, three SCARY clowns making balloon animals or doing magic, four crying children of all different ages, 5 people in green "Pot Doctor" scrubs, 6 vendors selling Jamaican hats and clothes, 7 henna tattoo booths, heard at least 8 different languages being spoken, 9 shirtless laddies, 10 women in bikinis tops with shorts, 11 people in wool coats/hats/gloves, and 12 lovers in love.*  Oh, and let's not forget the man with Devil Horns coming out of his head with a jewelled scepter that poses for photos and probably issues damnation and poxes upon the houses of those that do not tip well.

This is what adds such vibrancy to our area, to see couples of all kinds holding hands, kissing, and smiling that knowing smile that even others understand.  The languages.  The fact that some people are in the ocean in just their bathing suits and others look like Ralphie's brother in "A Christmas Story'.  People taking pictures of others then swapping to get their pictures taken.  Young artists handing you a CD and then saying they work for donations.  The psychics doing readings right on the sidewalk and the people they are reading so engrossed in every word you would think they were in a private salon.  The families wandering with one child too far ahead and the other lollygagging behind.  People debating whether the ocean front mansions are houses, apartment buildings, or hotels, desperately trying to peer into the windows and ducking away like a rabbit when they see someone in the house.  The crazy clothing.  People ignoring the ones they are with by talking on the phone for over a mile of walking.  A man answering his phone by saying loudly, "you are such an idiot.  You are so sutpid....no.....no.....look - you told me you had your daughter for the weekend, so forget it......I have to call you back - you are so f**king stupid."

Hear are some more of the comments overheard yesterday:
1.  "I think pot is legal in California...just not in the rest of the country."
2.  "You know I like it here because there are actually some normal people here, you know?  Like there are the freaks, and the rebels, but then there are just some normal people working and stuff...not like Salt Lake City - there you only have Mo's and rebels.  The Mo's and then the people wearing flat brimmed hats, getting tats and piercings and desperate to distance themselves from the church...."
3. A stoner walking beside me for a bit kept saying to his girlfriend "I don't know where I left it...man, I feel so dumb, I can't remember where I left it.  I....I...I just can't remember, man" over and over and over and over.  I had to stop and feign interest in a vendor's wares in order to get some away from this one.
4. "I just want to prove it to you, Dad."
5. "The 10 didn't even exist then....getting to the 405 was a nightmare."

Along with all the things you overhear, there are so many things to smell.  In Venice, it seems that personal hygiene is somewhat of an optional practice.  It is what I imagine things may have smelled like in the alleys of turn of the century London.  The combination of muscle men working out, homeless campers, hungover tourists, granola anit-deodorant folks, performers and druggies is a potent aroma.  Luckily, there does not seem to be a pervasive bad breath odor, just more body odor, and nasty hair smells.  Then you will stumble through the scent of people smoking pot.  In the open.  At 2:00 p.m. in the afternoon.  No wonder the tourists thought it was legal here.  I easily passed through 3 such clouds.

The performers and the vendors provide the soundtrack for this entire circus.  Although it seemed to be an alternating pattern of Red Hot Chili Peppers and Bob Marley, there were a few surprises thrown in.  Vince Guaraldi Trio's "ChristmasTime is Here", Earth, Wind, & Fire, Lady Gaga, and vaguely familiar, generic reggae.

As happens everyday, at least everyday that it isn't raining (which thankfully is nearly all), people started gathering and seeking out their own spots for the sunset.  Some lazily stayed in their cars parked facing the sun.  (I have done that myself before...sometimes it is the best - like a drive-in movie.)  Others arms linked and fingers intertwined, nestled on sand and the half walls along the boardwalk.  Their faces upturned and glowing in the golden late day sunshine.  Half smiles of cozy contentment.

I headed home before the sun actually set, confident in the knowledge that I can see it everyday, and desiring to get back home to my sons after the hours long hike.

I have had a few friends who ask me if I ever get tired of the never-ending waves, the expanses of golden sand, the hordes of tourists, the temperate days and chilly nights - the answer is a resounding no, I do not tire of it.

*Counts are estimates....although a few of them are actually correct - like the first few!!