Love......Is It Really Only Reserved for Living Things?

So when I was little (about 6), I remember going to my Great Aunt Nang* and Great Uncle Frank's house in Glen Rock, New Jersey. Aunt Nang had made spaghetti and sauce for lunch, and I remember that it smelled delicious.  As I sat down to a lovely bowl of spaghetti, I said, "I LOVE spaghetti!!" Aunt Nang was swift in her response: "You love people; you like spaghetti".

Really?

Even at that young age, I recall thinking to myself, "Well, she can say what she wants but I really love spaghetti" and filing that life lesson away for future reflection. I have thought of it often, and have even parroted the thought to my own children (and some beleaguered friends) usually in a tongue-in-cheek fashion.

Certainly, Aunt Nang is rolling over in her grave today, as I can proclaim that I am in love.......with my 1988 Blue Mercedes Benz 560 SEL, torn leather interior and all! It is like a dream to drive, moving through the 405 traffic like a warm knife through cool butter. The roar and rumble of the V8 engine is mesmerizing. The enormous, make-out accommodating back seat is the stuff of pulpy fiction and secret thoughts. The power is breathtaking.

Let me acknowledge that I have seen too many Disney movies too many times. The events, thoughts, and feelings of today confirm this fact. This afternoon, I took the car to Huntington Beach and back. I suppose this is our first "road trip" (hopefully the first of many). I felt as if the car was enjoying the ride (the car - the inanimate car).

About half of the way back to Santa Monica, I started thinking about how I found the car, all alone and neglected in the back corner of someone's back yard, grass weeds growing up around the wheels, covered in the spooky dust of abandonment. I approached the car quietly, and slowly walked around the whole thing, pausing to peer through the windows, examine the roof, run my fingers along the hood, glance at the back license plate. It seemed as if the car was apologizing for not being the original paint color. The car seemed embarrassed and exposed - unsure if I would like it or reject it.

When I told the owner I wanted to test drive it, he had to move two trucks and a BMW out of the way and then he had to guide me as I drove the behemoth through a narrow pass between a boat and a jet ski, then a dune rider and a canopy, past another boat and through a fence. Honestly, I felt like I was rescuing the car more so than purchasing it.

The silver hood star was missing from the car, giving it a sad face. It reminded me of our Old English Sheepdog, Laughton, when we shaved his coat one summer. He looked embarrassed and forlorn. When I took the car to my Mercedes Master Mechanic, we agreed that the first thing he should do is replace the hood star. He had one on hand that he had just been waiting to use, and he was so happy to put it on. He actually drove the car over to my office before it was fully ready for delivery so I could see that the star was back on! I swear to you, the car now looked like he was smiling and happy.

Without the star, it looked like the car felt like it had something to prove. With the star, it had a quiet confidence....a presence.

In a further display of anthropomorphic behavior, I have decided that the car is a boy, and I am working on selecting his name. Friedrich and Franz are early front runners, although Loki is in the running as well. (My ML 320 is a girl named Veronica. I hope that she is not getting jealous.)

I have already taken the High Mileage Award form to WI Simonson Mercedes-Benz Dealership http://www.wisimonson.net/index.htm for verification (it has 171,486 miles) and gathered info for joining the local classic Benz group (the W126 subgroup, natch). Created my profile on  BenzWorld.org (http://www.benzworld.org/) all the while shaking my head at myself and muttering under my breath, "Why haven't you already joined this forum? Should have joined in 2002...." I have already stopped by Westside Mercedes to speak with Ken Spratford about reupholstering the front seats and doing some restoration work. (They are the BEST - http://www.westsidemercedes.com/ - and they work on more than just Mercedes. I saw a sweet Morgan, a jaw dropping EType Jag, and an unbelievably beautiful Corvette in addition to a gaggle of Mercs while I was there the other day.)

So this is my new pet...my new love. After I paid the seller and drove away, 'Mony, Mony' by Billy Idol was playing on the radio. Then, as that ended, 'Vehicle' by the Ides of March came on. I took that as a sign that this car was meant for me...had been waiting for me...and it would love me back.

"I'm your vehicle baby
I'll take you anywhere you wanna go.
I'm your vehicle woman
But I'm not sure you know
That I love ya
I need ya
I want ya,
Got to have you child,
Great God in heaven you know I love you."

Vehicle - Ides of March

 (Did I mention I have watched WAY TOO MANY Disney movies? Way too many times?)

Have you ever been in love with a car? Tell me about it......

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*Great Aunt Nang - Her real name was Agnes. My adorable father was her first nephew. When he was little, he couldn't pronounce Agnes, and it came out "Nang". She thought that was so amazingly delightful that she went by Nang for the rest of her days.

Devinez qui est tombé ..... et ne veut pas se lever

C'est vrai. C'est moi.

Donc, pour le mois passé, j'ai courageusement enduré les railleries, les moqueries taquine, les sourcils levés, les conseils non sollicités, les chortles, les yeux révulsés et les hochements de tête comme des amis ont découvert que j'ai eu l'audace de tomber en amour. Encore une fois.

J'ai eu la sagesse de minimiser les explications ou tout moyen de défense.

A partir des années 2005 jusqu'en 2011, j'avais gagné (à juste titre , à bien des égards) le titre peu enviable de 'pointilleux Bitch' de notre troupeau de copines. Ma liste de 'disqualifiers automatiques' a été longue, détaillée, et immuable. C'était assez épique .... causant certaines femmes m'invitent à parler à leurs jeunes sœurs et les filles de l'adolescence, le partage des listes soigneusement abattus et le raisonnement derrière chaque élément.

Ensuite, le puissant tombé comme je l'ai été recueillie par un criminel lisse. Un escroc brillante qui a eu un plaisir particulier à tromper quelqu'un d'aussi prudent, en incitant quelqu'un avec un tel mur construit pour protéger sa 'forte sur-extérieur-aspect-encore-si-délicat-l'intérieur' de coeur. Il devait avoir un sens comme de la réalisation de frapper celui-ci plus (j'étais sur 6 dans la ligne. Oh bien -  Content d'avoir pensé à elle rapidement et échappé indemne.)

Et c'est ainsi qu'a commencé l'autopsie d'amis et de famille, à essayer de comprendre comment cela s'était passé. Qu'est-ce qui n'allait pas avec moi? Comment avais-je laisser cela se produire? J'étais le plus fort qu'ils sont venus en essayant de décider si oui ou non d'aller sur une deuxième date! Si l'on pouvait m'arriver ....... à qui d'autre pourrait-il se passer? Je dois avoir agi trop vite. Longue distance ne vous permet pas de faire connaissance avec quelqu'un de vraiment bien. Nous aurions vécu ensemble/été engagé plus/pas vécu ensemble.

Que puis-je dire? C'est arrivé. J'ai pensé à elle. Je suis passé par le chagrin de se rendre compte que j'avais fait une décision de vie basée sur non seulement un mensonge ... mais beaucoup des mensonges. J'ai dû lâcher du rêve que j'avais tenu si cher de trouver celui, mon partenaire, celui qui chantait pour moi, celui qui ferait mon coeur chanter. J'ai récupérée.

Que vais-je faire? Pleurer tous les jours? Bien sûr, ce n'est pas ce que je ferais. Je n'ai pas été mis sur cette terre pour vivre dans un ressassement continuel de déception, la tristesse et la négativité. Je n'ai pas gagné le surnom de 'Weeble' par se vautrer dans la misère pour toute longueur de temps.

Ma famille était triste. Ma maman a proclamé que j'étais "pas le droit de parler aux garçons". Ma sœur m'a dit que je n'étais pas autorisé à jamais se remarier. Mon frère a dit qu'il m'avait connu toute ma vie, et que je suis très heureux quand je suis seul (il a un point là. Je suis heureux de presque tous les jours au dessus du sol, je suppose que je suis juste chanceux de cette façon). C'était assez agréable de voir comment beaucoup de gens m'aimaient et voulaient me protéger du mal et la douleur. (Je suppose que je suis juste chanceux que trop.)

L'essentiel pour moi est que j'ai décidé que la dernière relation a été une erreur de casting. Le rôle - le rôle principal masculin dans ma vie - était encore un grand rôle qui devait être rempli! Le défaut n'était pas avec mon désir et mon rêve - la faille était dans le caractère embauché pour le poste. Je me suis réveillé en Septembre prêt à commencer une nouvelle recherche.

J'ai pris un peu de temps. Je n'ai même pas fait mon profil de match.com jusqu'à ce que le début d'Octobre. Même alors, je n'ai pas payé pour un abonnement jusqu'à l'Halloween. Puis, je me suis réveillé et j'ai décidé qu'il était temps de vous abonner, tendre la main, et de voir qui pourrait être à la recherche d' une vie comme celle que je cherchais à créer. J'ai signé pour six mois ... Je ne pense pas que je m'attendais à rencontrer quelqu'un qui change la vie cette semaine, ou même ce jour-là .

Qu'est-ce que dire quand les gens font des plans, Dieu rit? Ce jour-là , dans l'un des cinq premiers profils que j'ai examinés, j'ai vu a grand, beau, la science-fiction, l'âge approprié (si il ne mentait pas) locale, avec succès, d'articuler, l'amant de la musique des années 80, l'homme irlandaise et américaine portait un kilt. Disons que pour un moment, je pensais que je rêvais, et que j'avais évoquée un profil parfait d'un homme. Je pensais que j'avais une sorte d'hallucination provoquée par tant d'années de recherche et d'attente. De ce que je me rappelle, j'ai envoyé un courriel d'une ligne qui dit simplement: "Comment puis-je résister à un homme en kilt?" et la conversation a commencée .

En ce moment.

Et les quelques derniers mois ont été enivrant, déroutant, délicieux, de suspense, de tension, d'humour, amusement, aventure, et étonnant. Il est intelligent, charmant, courtois, chevaleresque, ringard, créatif, drôle, attentionné, social, généreux, sympathique, honnête, aventureux, unique, humain, nostalgique, futuriste, confiant, et envoûtante. Mes joues sont douloureux de sourire. Je suis tombé - et je ne veux pas me lever.

Donc .... après avoir été désigné comme le 'Plus Pointilleux Bitch' pendant tant d'années ..... maintenant on me dit que je suis tombé amoureux trop vite! Il y a des déclarations faites que je dois J'adore la sensation de tomber en amour (sur une note de côté - est-ce que quelqu'un vivant qui n'aime pas la sensation de tomber dans l'amour) que je suis comme une écolière idiot qui se déplace trop vite.

Il m'a frappé comme une culture, nous sommes terriblement difficile à satisfaire. Quand quelqu'un n'est pas dans une relation, les gens disent qu'ils doivent être ouverts à trouver l'amour. Ils devraient sortir plus, rendez-vous en ligne, répondre à leur chiropraticien, utiliser un entremetteur, accident de mariages, porter des robes sexy, porter des vêtements moins révélateurs, habiller, habiller le bas, s'attarder dans le département de légumes, prendre des cours de sushi maker, randonnée pédestre/vélo/tricycle, et se promener dans les allées de Home Depot demander de l'aide attrayant, les acheteurs sans bandes de mariage. Hhmm. Toutes les grandes idées. Que faire si je veux juste rester à la maison dans des pantalons de yoga regarder épisode après épisode de "Dr Who"?

Quand nous sommes avec quelqu'un de spécial, les gens disent être prudent, ne bougez pas trop rapide, trop lent, exécuter une vérification des antécédents, de garder vos options ouvertes, vous devriez être exclusif maintenant, se rend pas trop, pas trop disponible, ne pas jouer trop difficile à obtenir en premier lieu, ne texte pas trop, ils devraient vous rencontrer des amis, il est trop tôt pour rencontrer des amis, avez-vous voyagé ensemble encore? Est-ce un rebond? Est-ce grave? Est-ce juste une phase? Toutes les grandes questions et suggestions. Que faire si je veux juste que personne ce jour-là et voir ce qui se passe?

Oui, vous pourriez vous blesser à nouveau par quelqu'un d'autre. Et pourtant, n'est-il pas pénible de passer un autre jour férié seul? Il ya des avantages et des inconvénients à chaque situation.

Voici ce que j'ai appris. Il n'ya pas de carte de recette parfaite pour une relation fructueuse en ce qui concerne le temps. Je connais un vrai couple marié que de l'autre un mois après leur rencontre et ils ont été heureux ensemble pendant plus de vingt ans. Je connais un couple qui était ensemble depuis 11 ans, alors ils se sont mariés et ont divorcé dans l'année. Amèrement. Je connais des gens qui ont  juré off datant pour une certaine période de temps après une rupture, et ils avaient encore leur cœur est brisé à nouveau avec la relation suivante. Je connais un couple qui savait chaque autre comme des amis de plus de six ans sans jamais donner l'autre une seconde pensée romantique jusqu'a un an sur le 4 Juillet quand ils ont vu l'autre dans une toute nouvelle lumière au dessous les feux d'artifice. Ils sont mariés avec un bébé maintenant. Il est juste sans rime ni raison de dicter comment et quand nous pourrions rencontrer la personne de spécial avec qui nous pourrions construire un avenir.

Pour citer John Hughes dans 'Jour de Ferris Bueller', "Ouais. Je l'ai déjà dit et je le répète. Vie passe vite. Si vous ne vous arrêtez pas et regardez autour de temps en temps, vous pourriez manquer".

Sauter à pieds ....

Guess who has fallen....and doesn't want to get up?

That is right.  It is me.

So, for the past month, I have bravely endured the taunts, the teases, the jibes, the raised brows, the unsolicited advice, the chortles, the rolled eyes, and the shaking heads as friends have discovered that I have had the audacity to fall in love. Again.

I have had the sense to minimize any explanations or any defense.

From the years 2005 through 2011, I had earned (rightfully so, in many respects) the dubious title of "Pickiest Rhymes-with-Witch" out of our gaggle of girlfriends.  My list of "Automatic Disqualifiers" was long, detailed, and immutable. It was fairly epic....causing some women to invite me to speak to their younger sisters and teen daughters, sharing the carefully culled lists and the reasoning behind each item.

Then, the mighty fell as I was taken in by a smooth criminal. A brilliant con artist that took special delight in deceiving someone so careful, in tricking someone with such a wall built up to protect her strong-on-outward-appearance-yet-so-delicate-inside heart. He must have had a such a sense of achievement to knock this one over (I was about 6th in the line. Oh well - glad I figured it out quickly and escaped unscathed.)

And so began the post-mortem of friends and family, trying to figure out how it had happened. What was wrong with me? How had I let this happen? I was the strong one that they came to when trying to decide whether or not to go on a second date! If it could happen to me.......to whom else could it happen? I must have acted too fast. Long distance doesn't let you get to know someone really well. We should have lived together/been engaged longer/not lived together.

What can I say? It happened. I figured it out. I went through the heartbreak of realizing that I had made a life decision based on not just one lie...but so many. I had to let go of the dream that I had held so dear of finding the one, my partner, the one who would sing to me, the one that would make my heart sing. I got over it.

What am I going to do? Cry everyday? Most assuredly, I would not. I was not put on this earth to live in a continual rehashing of disappointment, sorrow, and negativity. I did not earn the nickname "the Weeble" by wallowing in misery for any length of time.

My family was sad. My Mom proclaimed that I was "not allowed to talk to boys". My sister said that I was not allowed to ever get married again. My brother said that he had known me my entire life, and that I am pretty happy when I am alone (he has a point there - I am happy nearly everyday above ground. I guess I am just lucky that way).  It was pretty nice to see how many people loved me and wanted to protect me from hurt and pain. (I guess I am just lucky that way too.)

The bottom line for me is that I decided that the last relationship was a casting error.  The role - the male lead role in my life - was still a great role that needed to be filled! The flaw was not with my desire and my dream - the flaw was in the character hired for the job.  I woke up in September ready to beginning scouting again.

I did take some time. I didn't even make my match.com profile until the beginning of October. Even then, I did not pay for a membership until Halloween. Then, I woke up and decided it was time to subscribe, reach out, and see who might be looking for a life like the one I was looking to create. I signed up for 6 months...I don't think that I expected to meet someone life-altering that week, or even that very day.

What is that saying about when people make plans,God laughs? That day, in one of the first five profiles I reviewed, I saw a tall, cute, science fiction loving, age appropriate (if he wasn't fibbing), local, employed, articulate, 80's music adoring, Irish & American man with an additional picture wearing a kilt. Let's just say for a moment, I thought I was daydreaming, and that I had conjured up a perfect profile of a man. I thought maybe I was having some sort of hallucination brought on by so many years of searching and waiting. From what I recollect, I sent a one-line email that simply said, "How can I resist a man in a kilt?" and the conversation began.

In that moment.

And the past few months have been intoxicating, unnerving, delightful, suspenseful, tense, humorous, fun, adventurous, and amazing. He is intelligent, charming, gracious, chivalrous, nerdy, creative, funny, attentive, social, generous, friendly, honest, adventurous, unique, human, nostalgic, futuristic, confident, and mesmerizing. My cheeks are sore from smiling. I have fallen - and I do not want to get up.

SO....after being designated as the "Pickiest Rhymes-With-Witch" for so many years.....now I am being told that I fall in love too fast! There are assertions being made that I must just love the feeling of falling in love (on a side note - who doesn't?) That I am like a silly schoolgirl that moves too fast.

It has struck me that as a culture, we are awfully difficult to please.  When someone is single, people will say they should open themselves up to finding love. They should go out more, go online, meet their chiropractor, use a matchmaker, crash weddings, wear lower cut blouses, wear less revealing clothes, dress up, dress down, linger in the vegetable department, take sushi making classes, hike/bike/trike, and wander the aisles of Home Depot asking for help from attractive, ringless shoppers. Hhmm. All great ideas.  What if I just want to stay home in yoga pants watching "Hoarder" marathons?

When we are with someone, people say be careful, don't move too fast, it's moving too slow, run a background check, keep your options open, you should be exclusive by now, don't call too much, don't be too available, don't play too hard to get, don't text first, they should meet you friends, it is too soon to meet your friends, have you travelled together yet? Is this a rebound? Is this serious? Is this just a phase? All great suggestions and questions. What if I just want to date this person and see what happens?

Yes, you might get hurt. And yet, doesn't it hurt to spend another holiday alone? There are pros and cons to each situation.

Here is what I have learned. There is no perfect recipe card for a successful relationship in regards to time. I know a real couple that married each other a month after they met and they have been together happily for over twenty years. I know a couple that was together for 11 years, then they married and divorced within a year. Bitterly. I know people that have "sworn off" dating for a certain period of time after a break up, and they still had their heart's broken again with the next relationship. I know a couple that knew each other as friends for over six years without ever giving each other a second thought romantically until one year on the 4th of July when they saw each other in a whole new light under the fireworks. They are married with a baby now. There is just no rhyme or reason to dictate how or when we might meet the special person with whom we could build a future.

To quote John Hughes in 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off', "Yep. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it."

Jumping in with both feet....