Saturday, November 26, 2011

Venice Beach - le Sable, le Soleil, les Vendeurs, et l'Hygiéne en Option

Pour mon vendredi noir, j'ai décidée d'aller sur une randonnée prés de l'océan.  J'ai quittée ma maison et se dirigea vers la jetée de Santa Monica.  Il était la quintessence du Sud de la Californie jour......interminables ciel bleu et soleil.  Voici quelques uns des sites vus.


Les peintures murales dans notre région sont magnifiques.  De Santa Monica à Venice Beach, vos yeux sont attirés par les fresques murales célébrant Dia de la Muerte, honneur Vincent Van Gogh, ou chatouiller votre os drôle.





L'un des artistes avec un stand de tenter de vendre leurs creations ne présente murales face de son stand regulier.  En est hypnotique en personne.



Cela couvre tout la côté du bâtiment, et qui me pousse à reprendre mon souffle, peu importe combien de fois je le vois.


Et bien sûr, certaines de nos peintures murales sont des publicités.  Les pandas volants sont une accrocheur ajouter pour un nouveau spectacle sur le réseau Cartoon Network.  Je suis un imbécile pour lui ) sera à regarder pour voir ce que ce spectacle est tout au sujet.


C'est ce que vous voyez si vous vous détournez de l'océan!

En plus de ces belles peintures murales,  (voir plus, s'il vous plait aller à bridgetann1.tumblr.com ), nous avons le passage, défilé en constante évolution de la population.  Par les chiffres, un bref récit:
1.  une jeune femme en mauve hot pants, chaussures à talons hauts, et un sweat-shirt
2.  deux agées hommes musculaires dans speedos solliciter de l'argent pour des photos
3.  trois clowns effrayants rendant des ballons ou faire de la magie
4.  quatre enfants de tous âges différents qui pleurent
5.  cinq personnes en vert "Pot Docteur" scrubs
6.  six vendeurs vendant des chapeaux et des vêtements jamaïcains
7.  sept cabines de tatouage au henné
8.  entendu au moins huit langues différentes étant parlée
9.  neuf hommes torso nu
10.  dix femmes en bikini
11.  onze personnes en manteaux de laine avec des chapeaux et des gants
12.  douze amoureux dans l'amour

Oh, et n'oublions pas l'homme avec des cornes du diable et aussi avec un sceptre de bijou qui pose pour des photos et probablement commandes la damnation et véroles sur les maisons de ceux qui ne lui donne pas assez d'argent.

C'est ce qui ajoute de la coulour par exemple dans notre région, de voir des couple de toutes sortes se tenant le main, s'embrasser, et souriant de ce sourire en sachant que même que les autres à comprendre.  Les langues.  Le fait que certaines personnes sont dans l'océan en seulement leurs maillots de bain et les autres regardent comme frére de Ralphie dans 'Un Conte de Noël'.  Les gens prenant des photos des autres, et puis échange pour obtenir leurs photos prises.  Les jeunes artistes vous remettant un CD, puis en disant qu'ils travaux pour des dons.  Les mediums faire des lectures à droite sur le trottoir et les gens au'ils sont tellements absorbés par la lecture de chaque mot en pourrait penser qu'ils ont été dans un salon privé.  Les familles un enfant errer trop loin et l'autre derrière lollygagging.  Les gens débattent si le front de mer demeures sont des maisons, des immeubles d'appartements, ou hôtels, essayant désespérément de scruter les fenêtres et esquive l'écart comme un lapin quand ils voient quelqu'un dans la maison.  Les vêtements fou. Peuple ignorant ceux qu'ils sont avec en parlant sur le téléphone pour plus un milede la marche.  Un homme répondant à son téléphone en prononçant à haute voix, 'Tu es un idiot. Tu es trop stupid.... non......non.... regarde, pas ......tu m'as dit que tu as ta fille pour le week-end....donc il oublie....tu es si stupid'.  Il était si charmant.

écoutez sont un peu plus des commmentaires entendus hier -
1.  "Je pense la marijuana est légale en Californie....mais pas dans le reste du pays"
2.  "Vous savez, je me plais ici, car il y a effectivement des gens normaux ici, vous savez comme il y a les monstres, les rebelles, mais ensuite il y a juste quelques personnes normales de travail et des trucs....pqs comme à Salt Lake City.  Il vous avez seulement des mormons et les rebelles...mormons puis les gens portant des chapeaux à larges bords plats, obtenir tatouages et piercings et désespéré de se distancer de l'église...."
3.  un drogué marchant à côté de moi pour un peu répétait à sa petite amie, "je ne sais pas où l'ai laissé......l'homme, je me sens si stupid, je ne me souviens pas où je l'ai quitté.....je ne me souviens pas" à plusieurs reprises et à plusieurs reprises......J'ai dû arreter et de feindre un intérêt dans les produits d'un vendeur afin d'obtenir une certaine distance de celle-ci.
4.  "Je veux juste prouver à toi,  Papa"
5.  "L'autoroute 10 n'existait même pas alors.....se rendre à l'autoroute 405 a été un cauchemar"

Avec toutes les choses que vous entendre, il y a tellement de choses à l'odorat.  à Venice, il semble que l'hygiene personnelle est quelque peu d'une practique optionelle.  C'est ce que j'imagine des choses peut-être sentait comme dans les ruelles du tour de Londres siècle.  La combinaison des hommes exerçant des muscles, les campeurs itinérants, les touristes gueule de bois, les hippies qui n'utilisent pas de déodorant, et les drogués est un arôme puissant.  Heureusement, il ne semble pas être une mauvaise odeur de l'haleine omniprésente - l'odeur de corps un peu plus, et les odeurs désagréables de cheveux.  Ensuite, vous tomberez dans le parfum des gens fumer de la marijuana.  à l'air libre.  a 14h00 l'après-midi.  Pas etonnant que les touristes pensé qu'il était légal ici.  J'ai facilement passée par trois ces nuages.

Les artistes de rue et les vendeurs de fournir la musique de fond à ce cirque.  Bien que cela semblait être un motif alterné de Red Hot Chili Peppers et Bob Marley, il y a quelques surprises jetés - Vince Guaraldi Trio " Noël est Ici", Earth, Wind, and Fire,  Lady GaGa, et vaguement familier, reggae générique.

Comme cela arrive tous les jours, au moins tous les jours au'il ne pleut pas (ce qui est heureusement presque tous), les gens est commencé la collecte et la recherchede leurs taches propres pour le coucher de soleil. Certains paresseusement restés dans leur voiture stationnée face au soleil.  (Je l'ai fait moi-même avant.... parfois il est le meilleur - comme un cinema drive-in.)  Bras liés et autres doigts entrelacés, niché sur le sable et les demi-murs le long de la promenade.  Leurs visages retroussé et brillant dans le soleil d'or jour en retard.  La moitié des sourires de contentement intime.

J'ai dirigée la maison avant que le soleil fait ensemble, confiants dans la connaissance que je peux voir tous les jours, et désireux de rentrer à mes fils, aprés les longues heures randonnée.

J'ai eu quelques amis qui me demandent si je me lasse jamais des vagues sans fin, les étendues du sable doré, les hordes des touristes, les jours tempérées et froids nuits - la réponse est un non retentissant, je ne ,e lasse pas de celui-ci.


Venice Beach - Sand, Sun, Vendors, & Optional Hygiene!

For my Black Friday, I decided to go on an 11 mile oceanside hike.  I left my home (6 blocks from the ocean) and headed to the Santa Monica Pier.  It was the quintessential Southern California day......endless blue skies and sunshine.  Here are some of the sights seen.


Dia de la Muerte
 The murals in our area are beautiful.  From Santa Monica to Venice, your eyes are drawn to murals guiding you to the aquarium, honoring Vincent Van Gogh, or tickling your funny bone.





One of the artists with a booth attempting to sell their creations did this mural across from his regular stand.  In is hypnotic in person.

 This covers the entire side of the building, and causes me to catch my breath no matter how many times I see it.



And of course, some of our murals are advertisements.  The flying pandas are an eye catching add for a new show on Adult Swimon Cartoon Network.  I am a sucker for it - will be watching to see what in the heck this is all about.



This is what you see if you turn away from the ocean!

In addition to these lovely murals (to see more, please go to http://bridgetann1.tumblr.com/), we have the passing, ever-changing parade of people.  By the numbers, here is a brief recounting: one young lady in purple skin tight hot pants, heels and a hoodie, two elderly muscle men in speedos soliciting tips for photos, three SCARY clowns making balloon animals or doing magic, four crying children of all different ages, 5 people in green "Pot Doctor" scrubs, 6 vendors selling Jamaican hats and clothes, 7 henna tattoo booths, heard at least 8 different languages being spoken, 9 shirtless laddies, 10 women in bikinis tops with shorts, 11 people in wool coats/hats/gloves, and 12 lovers in love.*  Oh, and let's not forget the man with Devil Horns coming out of his head with a jewelled scepter that poses for photos and probably issues damnation and poxes upon the houses of those that do not tip well.

This is what adds such vibrancy to our area, to see couples of all kinds holding hands, kissing, and smiling that knowing smile that even others understand.  The languages.  The fact that some people are in the ocean in just their bathing suits and others look like Ralphie's brother in "A Christmas Story'.  People taking pictures of others then swapping to get their pictures taken.  Young artists handing you a CD and then saying they work for donations.  The psychics doing readings right on the sidewalk and the people they are reading so engrossed in every word you would think they were in a private salon.  The families wandering with one child too far ahead and the other lollygagging behind.  People debating whether the ocean front mansions are houses, apartment buildings, or hotels, desperately trying to peer into the windows and ducking away like a rabbit when they see someone in the house.  The crazy clothing.  People ignoring the ones they are with by talking on the phone for over a mile of walking.  A man answering his phone by saying loudly, "you are such an idiot.  You are so sutpid....no.....no.....look - you told me you had your daughter for the weekend, so forget it......I have to call you back - you are so f**king stupid."

Hear are some more of the comments overheard yesterday:
1.  "I think pot is legal in California...just not in the rest of the country."
2.  "You know I like it here because there are actually some normal people here, you know?  Like there are the freaks, and the rebels, but then there are just some normal people working and stuff...not like Salt Lake City - there you only have Mo's and rebels.  The Mo's and then the people wearing flat brimmed hats, getting tats and piercings and desperate to distance themselves from the church...."
3. A stoner walking beside me for a bit kept saying to his girlfriend "I don't know where I left it...man, I feel so dumb, I can't remember where I left it.  I....I...I just can't remember, man" over and over and over and over.  I had to stop and feign interest in a vendor's wares in order to get some away from this one.
4. "I just want to prove it to you, Dad."
5. "The 10 didn't even exist then....getting to the 405 was a nightmare."

Along with all the things you overhear, there are so many things to smell.  In Venice, it seems that personal hygiene is somewhat of an optional practice.  It is what I imagine things may have smelled like in the alleys of turn of the century London.  The combination of muscle men working out, homeless campers, hungover tourists, granola anit-deodorant folks, performers and druggies is a potent aroma.  Luckily, there does not seem to be a pervasive bad breath odor, just more body odor, and nasty hair smells.  Then you will stumble through the scent of people smoking pot.  In the open.  At 2:00 p.m. in the afternoon.  No wonder the tourists thought it was legal here.  I easily passed through 3 such clouds.

The performers and the vendors provide the soundtrack for this entire circus.  Although it seemed to be an alternating pattern of Red Hot Chili Peppers and Bob Marley, there were a few surprises thrown in.  Vince Guaraldi Trio's "ChristmasTime is Here", Earth, Wind, & Fire, Lady Gaga, and vaguely familiar, generic reggae.

As happens everyday, at least everyday that it isn't raining (which thankfully is nearly all), people started gathering and seeking out their own spots for the sunset.  Some lazily stayed in their cars parked facing the sun.  (I have done that myself before...sometimes it is the best - like a drive-in movie.)  Others arms linked and fingers intertwined, nestled on sand and the half walls along the boardwalk.  Their faces upturned and glowing in the golden late day sunshine.  Half smiles of cozy contentment.

I headed home before the sun actually set, confident in the knowledge that I can see it everyday, and desiring to get back home to my sons after the hours long hike.

I have had a few friends who ask me if I ever get tired of the never-ending waves, the expanses of golden sand, the hordes of tourists, the temperate days and chilly nights - the answer is a resounding no, I do not tire of it.

*Counts are estimates....although a few of them are actually correct - like the first few!!


Sunday, November 20, 2011

Dimanche Matin a Santa Monica

J'aime me lever tôt et et de marcher pour une tasse du café.  Les rues sont incroyablement calmes....presque pas des voitures, guère des gens, une douceur dans l'air qui est difficile à décrire.  Il y a presque un effet silence lourd....d'attente pour toute l'exubérance de notre ville d'éclater en quelques heures.

Bien sûr, nous avons nos sans-abri blotti dans les portes, sur les alcôves, les pose sur des bancs des parcs,  en essayant de se fondre dans, de ne pas imposer, à l'être encore que peut-être, juste peut-être, personne ne remarquera ou les voirs là, et ils peut avoir 15 minutes de plus de paix, une poignée de petit sur l'évasion d'un rêve, dans le sommeil agité que je ne suis sûre de les échappe la plupart du temps.  Ce matin, j'étais heureuse  d'entendre l'un de nos habitués a Broadway et 7e réalité ronflement!  Il a touché mon coeur - au moins elle était d'obtenir un court laps de temps de sommeil réel.

Et - pour être certain - les athlètes ont déjà commencés à bouger!  Bien que le dimanche il semble qu'il y a moins que à cette heure matinale que le reste de la semaine.  Je suis contournée, par les coureurs, leur approche signalée par "sur la gauche" ou "à droite".  Les cyclistes dans leur cuissard (en regardant superbe je pourrais ajouter) rouleau passé avec une vague naire, à l'occasion, le hochement de tête légère de salutation à la dame en rose sur le trottoir.

Chaque dimanche matin, c'est quand vous pouvez prendre certaines charmes de petit ville qui possède notre ville.  J'aime voir les gens ouvrent leurs restaurants, les boulangeries et les cafés, balayant la zone de l'avant, la mise fleurit seule juste si dans de petit récipients sur les tables, beaucoup portant tabliers longs, font leur part pour réveiller la ville endormie.  Contrairement aux cyclistes concentrés, ces gens ont un sourire ou une bonne matinée à partager.

Puisque nous sommes une ville océan, nous sommes souvent enveloppés dans un linceul de "couche marin" ou le brouillard en début de matinée.  J'aime ca aussi.  Avez-vous déjà pris un sweat-shirt de la sécheuse qui avait été oubliée durant la nuit?  Vous tirez sur la moitié s'attendre à ce qu'elle soit chaude - mais il est en fait un peu frisquet?  En suite, vous avez pour la réchauffer de l'intérieur avec votre propre chaleur corporelle?  C'est ainsi que le brouillard se sent pour moi ce matin.

Le dimanche matin est l'heure chaque semaine lors de Santa Monica prend un moment pour atrapper son souffle.  Notre ville est l'hote des gens de toute la Californie, dans tout le pays, partout dans le monde - tout l'année.  La prochaine fois que vous etes à Santa Monica, faire un point pour se lever vers 6h30, vous brosser les dents, prendre un pull-over, et partez pour une promenade.  Et - si vous me demandez - je vais aller avec vous!


Sunday in Santa Monica

I love to get up early and walk for a cup of coffee.  The streets are unbelievably quiet....hardly any cars. hardly any people, a softness in the air that is hard to describe.  There is almost a pregnant pause effect....waiting for all the exuberance of our town to burst forth in a few hours.

Of course, we have our homeless snuggled up in doorways, under alcoves, laying on park benches, attempting to blend in, to not impose, to be so still that maybe, just maybe, no one will notice or see them there, and they can have 15 more minutes of peace, a small handhold on the escapism of a dream, in the fitful sleep that I am sure eludes them most of the time.  This morning, I was so happy to hear one of our regulars at Broadway and 7th actually snoring!  It touched my heart - at least she was getting a short span of real sleep.

And - to be certain - the athletes are already starting to move!  Although on Sunday it seems that there are fewer at this early hour than the rest of the week.  I am bypassed by runners, their approach signaled by "on the left" or "to the right".  The cyclists in their serious gear (looking hot I might add) roll past with nary a wave, on occasion, the slight head nod of greeting to the lady in pink on the sidewalk.

Early Sunday morning is when you can catch some of the small town charm that possesses our city.  I love to see people opening their restaurants, bakeries, and coffee shops, sweeping the front area, setting single blooms just so in small containers on bistro tables, many wearing the old school long aprons, doing their part to wake up the sleepy city.  Unlike the determined, driven cyclists, these folks always have a smile, a wave, or a good morning to share.

Since we are an oceanside city, we are often enveloped in a shroud of "marine layer" or fog in the early morning.  I love that too.  Have you ever taken a sweatshirt out of the dryer that had been forgotten overnight? You pull it on half expecting it to be warm - but it is actually somewhat chilly?  Then you have to warm it up from the inside out with your own body heat.  That is how the fog feels to me this morning.

Sunday morning is the time each week when Santa Monica takes a moment to catch it's breath.  Our town is host to people from all over California, all over the country, all over the world - all year long.  The next time your are in Santa Monica, make a point to get up around 6:30, brush your teeth, grab a sweater, and go for a walk.  If you give me a call - I will go with you!


Sunday, November 6, 2011

L'amour, le café, la pluie et le mystère, un dimanche matin


«Plus je pense à des choses, plus je vois ni rime ni raison dans la vie. Personne ne sait pourquoi certaines choses fonctionnent et certaines choses ne sont pas. Pourquoi certains d'entre nous ont la chance et certains d'entre nous se ..... .. " Bella dans «Notting Hill»
Remplissez les blancs! Vraiment, cette citation pourrait finir avec presque tout ce que vous êtes confrontés dans la vie. Dans le film, il poursuit avec «Fired». Malheureusement, cela fonctionne. Dumping. Triché sur. Menti. Fat. Lonely. Confus. Désorganisé. Distrait.Tenté.
Vous obtenez la dérive. vous pouvez me remercier plus tard pour souligner cette citation polyvalent qui peut être utilisé très tôt dans la soirée ivres de pensées moroses et la pitié de soi. Practive c'est sous la douche afin que vous fera entendre en argent languetés et sage quand vous tirez apparemment hors de votre poche arrière à la plus opportune à une fois et propos à la console et le confort de vos amis. (Ils n'avaient probablement pas voir «Notting Hill» ou si elles le faisaient, ils penseront que vous êtes pour elle brill souvenir.)
Donc, dans mon petit monde à Santa Monica, sur ma roue de hamster de trot en arrière sur l'avenue Lincoln à mon bureau à Marina Del Rey, j'ai littéralement l'impression d'une des personnes les plus chanceuses que je connais. Deux beaux fils qui grandissent dans la grâce, articulé, drôle, généreux, intelligent jeunes hommes. En voyant l'océan tous les jours. Vivre au centre-ville et de marcher partout dans un des climats les plus belles dans le monde entier. Un de mes fils l'a si bien quand il a dit, lors d'un coucher de soleil du Pacifique particulièrement coloré, "Maman .... c'est comme si nous vivions dans une carte postale ......" (Les garçons ont tous deux un côté poétique aussi bien. :-) Et j'aime mon travail.
La plupart du temps, je ne pense même pas à être unique. Il ne me fait pas obstacle en aucune façon, je vais à des parties, des films, sortir pour manger, shopping, voyages, activités de financement, n'importe où je veux aller ou non j'ai un «date» pour aller avec moi.
Voici les quelques fois où je ne le sentez.
Quand je vais à Disneyland, et je suis en attente dans les lignes, et je vois des couples avec leurs familles, et les regards et touche entre eux qui semblent comme leur propre langue.
Quand Noël roule autour et je n'ai pas que quelqu'un romantique spéciale pour acheter le surprenant, enchanteur, un don de toucher. Beaucoup sont heureux de garder cet argent supplémentaire dans leur poche, un peu plus de pensées de ne pas penser, un de moins de courses, moins de pression. Je n'ai pas eu quelqu'un pour acheter ce cadeau pour des années, et je ne le manquez pas.
Autre que cela, je vais sur la vie avec un vrai sourire sur mon visage et dans mon cœur. Je suis reconnaissant pour tous les jours dessus du sol. Et je suis convaincu qu'un jour, je serai l'un des du couple chez Disney que quelqu'un d'autre observation, et alors que je suis là je vais filer à prendre quelque chose pour quelqu'un Stocking Noël.
**s'il vous plaît pardonnez mes erreurs, je suis d'améliorer mon français!

Love, coffee, rain, and mystery on a Sunday Morning

"The more I think about things, the more I see no rhyme or reason in life. no one knows why some things work out and some things don't. Why some of us are lucky and some of us get......." Bella in 'Notting Hill"


Fill in the blank! Really, this quote could end with nearly anything you are facing in life.  In the movie, it continues with "Fired".  UnfortunatELy, that works.  Dumped. Cheated on. Lied to. Fat. Lonely. Confused. Disorganised.  Distracted. Tempted.


You get the drift.  Thank me later for pointing out this versatile quote which can be used early on in a drunken evening of morose thoughts and self pity.  Practive it in the shower so that you will sound silver tongued and wise when you pull it seemingly out of your back pocket at the most opportune and a propos times to console and comfort your friends.  (They probably didn't see 'Notting Hill' or if they did, they will think you're brill for remembering it.)


SO in my little world in Santa Monica, on my hamster wheel trotting back and forth on Lincoln Avenue to my office in Marina Del Rey, I literally feel like one of the luckiest people I know.  Two beautiful sons who are growing into gracious, articulate, funny, generous, intelligent young men.  Seeing the ocean every day. Living downtown and walking everywhere in some of the most beautiful weather in the entire world.  One of my sons put it so well when he said, during a particularly colorful Pacific sunset, "Mom....it's like we live in a postcard......"  (The boys both have a poetic side as well. :-)  And I love my job.  


Most days, I do not even think about being single.  It does not impede me in any way; I go to parties, movies, out to eat, shopping, travel, fundraisers, anywhere I want to go whether or not I have a "date" to go with me.  


Here are the few times when I do feel it.  


When I go to Disneyland, and I am waiting in lines, and I see couples with their families, and the glances and touches between each other that seem like their own language.


When Christmas rolls around and I do not have that someone romantically special to buy the surprising, enchanting, touching gift.  Many are happy to keep that extra money in their pocket, a few more thoughts not to think, one less errand, less pressure.  I haven't had someone to buy that gift for in many years, and I do miss it.


Other than that, I go about life with a genuine smile on my face and in my heart.  I am grateful for everyday above ground.  And I am convinced that one day, I will be one of the couple's at Disney that someone else is observing, and while I am there I will sneak away and pick up something for someone's Christmas Stocking.





Saturday, November 5, 2011

The best thing to read on a Saturday morning!

So this morning, pre-coffee (I ran out of half-and-half and have not ambled to Von's yet), I opened my tumbr account and saw the following description of people born in the month of March -

MARCH=GORGEOUS
Drop dead gorgeous!!! Attactive personality, Very sexy!! Affectionate & Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Chatterbox! Loves to talk a lot! Loves to get their way! Unbelievable kisser! Easily angered, Very stubborn in the most way possible! Loves to get noticed! Willing to take risks for others. Makes good choices. Has a great fashion sense! Maybe a little too popular with others. Outgoing and crazy at times! Intelligent. Can be a heartbreaker! Can love as much as possible! Hates insults. Loves compliments! A very big flirt! And quite the charmer. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. The best in bed out of the other 11 months!! Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Observatn and assesses others, likes to keep their crushes kinda secret.  Pretty much flawless.  If you repost this in the next 5 minutes, you will meet your new love in 8 days.


After the tumultuous week I have had, (which some of you realize if you happened to see my "Wide Awake at 1:33 a.m." post), I felt this was the best possible thing to stumble upon on tumblr!  

And of course, I decided that each and every word is true, and wondered how they know me so well!  My sister in Pennsylvania (a September birth; their description is okay but I like mine better) was ultra quick to point out that they forgot to mention how big of a nerd I am.  I let jer know that was part of my "secretive" side.


If you would like to see your month, leave a comment, or visit my http://bridgetann1.tumblr.com/ account to do your own research.

Anyway, I am going to get up, get over to Von's, make coffee and renew my love of life with a steaming hot cup o' Joe.  I need to start counting the days - since I reposted this article, it says that I will meet my new love in 8 days........

Thursday, November 3, 2011

What a difference a day makes

So - even with only 3.25 hours of sleep last night (at least it was deep sleep) - I have had a great day!  Woke up on the right side of the bed (isn't that so annoying?) and hit the ground running.  At work, we went to a day long event at LAX Renaissance, then went to a happy hour.  Bombay Sapphire & Tonic with Malaysian wings and calamari, laughter, business planning - just what I needed to snap out of it.

Watching '30 Rock' and chilling out.  I guarantee I will sleep tonight :-)

Wide awake at 1:33 a.m.

Do you ever find yourself awake in the middle of the night having a "Talking Heads" moment - asking yourself, "Well....how did I get here?"  I am having one of those nights tonight.  I suppose I have been more successful at work than at relationships. The funny thing is, I feel as if I am good at relationships too.  They do not seem to manifest themselves for very long though, so I must not be.

I wish I could understand what happens.  I am careful not to push too hard, or be too much too soon.  I let the guy make the initial contacts nearly everyday, I do not get upset if plans change last minute, or if someone is having a stressed out day.  I smile, laugh, sing, feel joy, am extremely passionate, am direct in my communications while maintaining what has been described as an East Coast sense of decorum.  Most days (other than nights like tonight when I am awake at nearly 2:00), I am a big thinker, with goals and dreams and a desire to make them happen followed up by action.  I love to go places new and old, have favorite haunts yet still enjoy a freshly discovered place.  Music and movies are a huge part of my life, I love people and being social, and dancing.  I cook. While many would argue this - I feel I can be somewhat humorous.  I send little thank you or random gifts to people, and once I even surprised one of my ex-husbands with a car.

I actually want to make people smile.

Why am I alone?

On top of it, on a night like this, I think of other people, as quirky and delightful in their own way as I am in mine that are also alone.  Why?  It seems as if people who are couples have a magical skill that was taught on a day that I was out sick, and I never made up the work, and the teacher would not give me the lesson plan.

While I am truly one of the biggest Pollyannas I know (tomorrow morning, I will be singing songs and laughing at my morose moment of the previous night), I certainly know that couple are not living in a fairytale world of blue skies and flying kites everyday.  But they were able to find someone that was willing to work for them, for the relationship,   for the idea of the existence of the "duo".

Some people (if anyone actually reads this) will think that I am unhappy being alone.  That is not entirely true.  I live a full life on my own.  About once a year, I have this night.  This night where I cannot figure out why no man seems to get me, or think that I am special, or worthwhile.  When I know that no matter how hard I try to "do everything right", it just doesn't seem to matter, at least not to the prospects that I select.

If anyone is reading this that knows me well, they will probably know that I tend to be a very black and white thinker, without a lot of gray area.  Is that the problem?  If it is, I cannot change the very foundation of how I think, how I have created my life's philosophies, and how I see the world.

The part that I hate the most is when I actually let my guard down, when I actually let someone into my heart, when I think "this time it's different"....when I open my mind up to the possibility of someone finding me special.....and I take a risk and put myself on the line only to be hurt soon thereafter.  For some reason, maybe because I am a CEO, maybe because I don't let my feelings show, it almost seems as if people do not realize how much they have hurt me.  Inside, I am crushed....crushed to the point of barely being able to breathe......and I just say okay and move on.

And everyone else rushes at me barely noticing,  maybe asking if I am sick, and I will casually mention that my allergies are acting up, and what can I help them with, and the world keeps turning.  And people keep telling me they are so amazed at what a strong person I am.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Perfect Palindrome Day!

Madam I'm Adam.

I love dates like today - it is a palindrome - 11-02-2011.  My birthday two years ago was a Square Root Day - 03-03-09.  Small things like this make me happy.  I look forward to 12-02-2021, and 04-04-16, and 05-05-25.

I figure that there is enough misery in life that if a date makes me smile - may as well go with it.

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Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Asia Vu: Happy Halloween, Seoul-Style

Asia Vu: Happy Halloween, Seoul-Style: My favorite Dead Guy and his favorite Dead Guy Ale. So, our first Halloween weekend in Seoul has come and gone. Today is the actual fe...

Me and Holidays - a love-hate relationship

What is it about me and holidays?

One of my first boyfriends of note started Valentine's Day with flowers and candy, then broke up with me.

My father passed away on New Year's Eve.

My first ex-husband and I decided to get divorced on New Year's Day.

The flu struck me when I was a single parent literally about 10:00 p.m. on Christmas Eve when I had so much to do - that was a long, vomitous, vertigo-filled, feverish night. (It got done though!)

I had trouble with a pregnancy and was admitted to the hospital on an Easter Sunday.

My second ex-husband told me he was leaving me on December 27 (I consider the week between Christmas and New Year's as a holiday week - so did he.) and he moved out on on the 30th and 31st.

And yesterday, crushing news on Halloween.  Crushing.

So, as the second ex-husband loved to snarl at me with great derision, "You are such a Pollyanna", I prefer to look at this in the following way - at least I remember the hallmarks and the milestones in my life easily!  it certainly makes self reflection easier as long as I do not slip into self pity (which I rarely do though we all have our moments).  I think about how lucky I am that my Dad passed away on New Year's Eve;  he is a part of every celebration, every year.

So what is going to happen this Thanksgiving? This New Year's? Next Valentine's Day?  maybe throw something in on the 4th of July?  All I know is I can handle it all.  And if things happen on a random day, I am much less likely to remember them.  So thank you, life and holidays.